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January 06, 2004

"Pea in a Pod" or "Rethinking Mrs. Charlie Sheen"

Well we had our first trip to Pea in a Pod, a local maternity store, on Sunday.

This all began when FB woke up, tried on some pants and declared that all was not well with the wardrobe and that new clothes, pants in particular, must be obtained. The emphasis was "NOW!"

The store was pretty much what I expected. Not much on sale and all of it designed to take a woman at her most uncomfortable and attempt to bring her to some state of fashion grace. There's a joke there that I'm not comfortable making if I want to live to see the birth of our son.

I soon found myself in one of two chairs set in the middle of the store. It was clear that they may as well have been labeled: "MEN SIT HERE WHILE YOU WAIT. BY THE WAY YOU GOT THEM INTO THIS, BE HAPPY YOU HAVE A CHAIR." Sitting there I discovered a couple of things: the book and the pillow.

I was thumbing through the book when my wife emerged from the dressing room wearing, beneath her clothes, a pillow to simulate her ultimate potential size. A pillow whose overhang you could easily use as a car port. When I saw it I couldn't help myself: I jumped in my seat.

After the initial shock I did what any sane person would: I laughed my ass off.

Even FB laughed. I've seen full grown baboons that were smaller than this pillow. All in all it gave us a good chuckle.

The book was something else. It was a thinly veiled attempt to clue us in to how "hip" Pea in a Pod is. How all the stars buy their maternity wear there. How buying something there puts you in the same social circle and esteemed company as Catherine Bell and Kelly Ripa. It's page after page of magazine pages and autographed photos. Most of it not very memorable or pretty over the top.

The back however had photocopies of 3-4 "Thank You" notes from the stars. One was from Brooke Shields, a couple more from people I didn't know and the final one: Mrs. Charlie Sheen, aka Denise Richards. The same Denise Richards probably more famous for her assets than her acting. An actress whose career is most memorable for a movie called "Wild Things" where at one point she askes Matt Damon where he keeps his hose. (She and another young lady are offering to wash his car.) Yes, that Denise Richards.

Her "Thank You" was the best in the book. It was sweet, thoughtful and, unlike Brooke Shields and the others, actually hand written and personalized to the store and staff she had been to. It didn't read like a form letter and struck me as something she had actually put some thought into. Reading it made me realize why Charlie married her: despite the "B" movies and the numerous photographs in mens magazines she's a rare catch. She's that one in a million that cares enough to take the time to write a decent "Thank You" on nice stationary to people who actually helped her.

Here's to you Mrs. Sheen. I hope your pregnancy goes well and that you and Charlie raise one as well as your parents raised you.

Since I wrote this Denise Richards became pregnant again and then, before giving birth to their second child, reached a decision that she needed to divorce Mr. Sheen. (Later taking him back.) If she's ever in this neck of the woods I'm offering an open invitation to Denise and the kids for a picnic, our treat. It's the least we can do.

Posted by Jim at January 6, 2004 12:13 AM


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