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September 26, 2005

"These are too cool!"

When we bought our house it was a model for the neighborhood. As it was the dead of January we bought the house sans lawn. At the closing a couple of months later we received money from the builder to go towards getting a lawn and a sprinkler system.

Jack's never, to my knowledge, noticed the sprinklers before. The other night when we were coming back from a walk in the little red wagon Jack was awestruck at the sight of the sprinklers.

For the next 5 minutes I let him explore this strange new thing. He slowly walked towards them and after figuring out that they were just throwing water around he got braver and braver until finally:


SMASH! Jack put his hand on one and laughed like he had just discovered the greatest thing ever.

Before he chilled I scooped him up and immediately threw him into a warm bath. (Where he proceeded to splash like a maniac.) If he thought this was fun just wait until he discovers that Dad sprung for the wireless remote for the sprinkler a few years back and occasionally uses it to ambush really obnoxious door to door solicitors...

The home alarm salesperson that got really pushy on my doorstep last spring was the last recipient of my water born wrath. After the tool claimed he was a part of our "block watch" and produced some phoney credentials and then produced some paperwork claiming the local police deparment had endorsed him for our neighborhood. I nodded politely as he lied some more and, unnoticed by said solicitor, reached behind my back and hit the button on the remote hanging from my belt. Sure enough the sprinkler nozzle I have aimed at the porch came to life with a raspy gurgle and a sputter. As he was turning in dismay to the noise, a "Poseidon Adventure" worthy torrent of water began soaking him to the bone. As he tried to dodge the spray and mitigate the damage with his clipboard I simply closed the door. He was running for the drive the last I saw but the other sprinkler heads I have aimed accordingly made sure he got the full treatment.

Girl scouts? Kids raising funds for schools? Polite folks just trying to earn a living? No problem. People pretending to be my neighbor who then lie in an effort to get me to sign up with their alarm service? My waterbourne vengence awaits...

Posted by Jim at September 26, 2005 02:46 PM


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