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May 22, 2005

"Big Texas Burger! Because your momma raised you right!"

Brace yourselves.

I had a dream on Friday night. One of those vivid dreams where you just wonder what in the hell it was that you ate that would give you these sorts of thoughts.

I dreamed that Jack decided to go to college in Texas. (College station actually.) No clue why. He just did. Normal enough right?

For some reason I followed him.

Then opened a hamburger joint called "Big Texas Burger" that was sort of a cross between In-N-Out and Johnny Rockets.

Wait! It gets weirder!

To promote "Big Texas Burger" I was going on television a la Cal Worthington, the California Used Car dealer. I was wearing a white suit with a big white stetson and kept throwing out one liners during the commercials. (All of which were "live" at the diner.)

"Big Texas Burger! Because you life's too short for burgers like the other guys!"

"I'm Jim and this is Big Texas Burger. Don't adjust your set because I always look like this. Honest!"

"Big Texas Burger! Because college students need all the energy they can for whatever it is that college students do."

"Big Texas Burger loves you the way you are, which is why there will never be any salads at Big Texas Burger!"

"At Big Texas Burger we believe in true love. The kind of love that you can only find with a really good burger. It may not last very long but you'll remember it as being one of the great loves of your life."

"Big Texas Burger! Because if you're going to spend $2.00 on a burger you ought to get the parts of the cow you want!"

"Big Texas Burger! Our burgers are almost as big as the average hairdoo of Miss Dallas! Almost."

"At Big Texas Burger we figure that if you weren't meant to eat meat you wouldn't have those sharp pointy teeth!"

"At Big Texas Burger we only use happy cows for our burgers and it shows!"

"You will never see Tofu on the menu at Big Texas Burger!"

"When I'm dead and gone I don't know who we'll get to do this but never fear: Big Texas Burger will still be here!"

It goes on and on and on.

I woke up Saturday reeling with these. An entire branded concept from start to finish. The restaurant had a western theme but was geared for high volume. Simple menu of 15 items. I must have had 150 of the commercial lines. A never ending variety of animals introduced as my dog "Spot" that were anything but a dog. (Cheetah, Rhino, Alligator, Monkey, etc.)

If I remember the dream correctly the business did well but Fabulous Babe and Jack weren't exactly quick to point out their relationship to me.

Must have been the bolo tie.

Posted by Jim at May 22, 2005 10:56 PM


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