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January 20, 2004

Lessons for Junior Vol. 1

I firmly believe that being a parent should be treated with the respect for the awesome responsibility that it is. After all you get to impart all of the things you've learned in an effort that your offspring avoid the mistakes you made and hopefully doesn't waste the time they have on this earth doing the same dumb things you did.

If for some reason I am struck by a meteor I'll at least try to leave some of my own advice here. If I leave something out feel free to add some of your own bits of insight.

Here goes nothing:

Never pick the path by ease or difficulty. Pick the one that produces the best end result.

You can choose the ones you love and your friends. Family you're stuck with.

Know full well that the more time that passes the more painful your high school pictures will become.

Beer is NOT a beauty aid.

It took me 35 years to become a father. Don't become a parent until you're ready.

If she won't lean over to unlock your door dump her. If he doesn't open the door for you dump him. Pick the one that applies.

Woo the one you love with an unrelenting scorched earth campaign of care and affection. While it may not work out in the long run you can at least say you gave it your best shot.

Kissing the opposite sex in 1st grade may seem like a good idea but only leads to awkward explanations and comments on your report card.

Nothing can hold you prisoner like the combination of being old and poor.

If you break the law you deserve to be punished. Accept the consequences of your actions.

Never say something in haste or anger. Words, once spoken, can never be taken back and will forever be remembered.

Don't write checks you can't cash.

Your great grandfather was perfectly happy playing with a barrel hoop as a child. It didn't require batteries, wasn't made of plastic and never came about as a result of a licensing agreement. Sometimes the best things in life are the most simple.

It's not winning or losing the game that counts. It's how you play the game that will be remembered.

A Polaroid camera is one of the most powerful tools of good and evil ever created.

More to come.

Posted by Jim at January 20, 2004 10:52 PM


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