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January 25, 2004

Can you hear me now? Redux.

After a few visits to maternity shops you learn a few things.

1.) There's hardly ever a sale.

2.) There's never a "man" section.

3.) There are devices for sale that belong in the secret hideout of a James Bond supervillian. Case in point: Fetal communicators.

The box assures you that through application of a steady stream of music and soothing communication your child will grow up to be a super genius. Slapping a pair of used headphones onto your wife's stomach doesn't seem to do the trick either. Nope, you need to buy these specially engineered suction cup things that will make sure to apply the music and speech in the way that God intended.

After seeing these after a few visits I decided to try making do at the house. I'm not going to stand in the way of my child's development. Here's my clinical progress.

A.) I took a busted pair of FB's earbud headphones and approached my wife. "Hon. Do you think one of these will fit in your bellybutton?" The look I received pretty much nipped that in the bud.

B.) I took another pair of headphones and tried placing them around my wife's stomach. Again no luck. At this point I noticed FB starting to glare again and retreated quickly.

C.) I gave up completely on the mechanical means. I leaned over, cupped my hands, and just spoke to my wife's stomach. Alas the end results may not be what we had hoped for. Between the two of us we couldn't come up with any insightful points that Junior would benefit from.

Oh well.

Posted by Jim at January 25, 2004 11:04 AM


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