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May 10, 2005

"Don't mind those son. You won't rust."

When I got home tonight Jack and I tried to go for a walk. A shower caught us on the street and I ended up having to wheel His Majesty back to the house. The whole time he was looking around and trying to figure out what was going on and what was hitting him.

We're starting to get strings of noises now. Not quite sentences but the parsing and spacing seems to be there. It's like the foundation is being poured for his vocabulary and we're just waiting to see some framing up for actual words.

I had a horrible nightmare the other night. One of my uncles lost his only son a few years ago and I dreamed of something similar. (I never knew my cousin that well due to the age difference and the distance.) His death was a shock to our family. It happened quickly and with no warning. He literally answered the front door, collapsed, went into a coma and died within 24 hours.

SIDS is something that lays at the twilight of your perception when you have an infant. You try to shove it as far from your mind as you can because you never want to think it's something you'll have to deal with. I knew of two families growing up who lost children to SIDS and I can still remember being 9 or 10 and watching the one house as people in black came and went after the funeral.

Jack's no longer an infant. Just as he's grown in weight his personality and character have grown as well. Losing Jack now is even more unthinkable to me. It's the sort of nightmare that had me waking up in the middle of the night, sitting bolt upright in bed and walking to his door just to hear him snore. (I think he gets that from his mother.)

I know when he's older he'll do something dumb that will make me want to ground him for life. (With my luck he'll accidentally catch the Miata on fire.) Maybe I'll just get even by hugging him in front of his friends when he's a senior in high school.

Posted by Jim at May 10, 2005 11:44 PM


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